This is where I fall, and this where I stand again.

12:48 AM

Current Music : Dark side by Kelly Clarkson

Gosh, time flies so freaking fast. I've been working for NovelTravel almost a month. I love the job, and it is really hard for me to leave this job. Class starting next week, Wednesday, to be exact. I can feel butterflies in my stomach now.Me, Tim & Rachel (Our supervisor) were actually talking about the subjects and courses that are offer by LSE. Yes, you might think some subjects sound so fucking easy but no they aren't. For example, one of the subject INTRODUCTION TO ECONOMICS, I'll be studying this subject on my 1st year degree. And people will think that "Hah, introduction to economics, we fucking learn that in A Levels, it's easy." I used to think like that, but when I look through the syllabus, OMFG! You'll pee in your pants. Hahaha, at least I will.

Finance and banking, I really don't know whether I have made the right decision. So many things popped up in my head. WHAT IF I flunk the exams? WHAT IF I can't catch up? WHAT IF I change my course half way? WHAT IF I don't excel? So many WHAT IF, but can't find a single solution for myself. I'm not a streetwise person, neither a top scholar. I can either be above average or below average. If I work hard, I can achieve; if I don't, I flunk. Business, Accountings, and Finance are not my thing, I don't like numbers/figures. Unlike other chinese businessman, I don't like counting money. It gives me a headache. I can never be an accountant, and you do not want me to deal with your accounts. You might regret. LOL.

Anyway, have been planning to go on a vacation recently. Yes, I'm planning to go Perth for holiday =). All I want to do is to get out of Malaysia. Lately,things got out of my hand, and no matter how I hard I tried, it will never work. We can't play on broken strings, neither we can clap with one hand. It was kinda hard for me, the feelings and emotional wouldn't go away, and I was unable to focus on my work, being an unprofessional employee. But, friends were there to back me up and support me. Cheering me up and spending time with me just to make sure I'm okay. Then, I realised my life is not that bad after all. Even though I don't get what I want, but when I needed a friend, they are always there for me.

What Rachel said was right. " For ladies, WORK & STUDIES are important. Put WORK AND STUDIES ahead of relationship. Once you have a very successful career in the future, it belongs to you and no one can take that away from you. Once you are financially independent, ladies don't have to depend on the man. NO RUSH, as there are still lot more of important things waiting for us to do. Who knows we meet the right one or who knows we might see each other again after 10 years." I agree with that. Life is beautiful, though sometimes, shits come and knock you down. when you fall, that's where you stand up again. No point holding on to the past, as no one is there to pity you, sympathy you, save you or help you. You got to be stronger, stand up, and be able to walk again. I know it hurts when I fall, but the pain does go away as the time pass :) Time do heals.

People said I can forget so fast, the truth is, I did not forget. Everytime I close my eyes, memories keep coming back. No one knows how heartbroken I was, no one knows I cried in the middle of the night. Anyway, it doesn't matters any more. I threw myself into my work so that I will not think about it and hey, it helps =D.

Well, someone popped up this question to me "IF there is a chance for both of you, will you ever get back together with him?" Ahhhhhh, a very good question. The answer is, I don't know. I haven't think about it yet. But I will get back to this question soon. It's difficult for me to answer.

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