Late night thoughts.

5:20 AM

Have you ever thought of what would your life be in 10 years time? or What would your life be like, without any goals and plans? Well, I never really thought of it cause I had this attitude where I always told myself, "Enjoy now, think later." OR " Life's too young to think about the future now". It was because I was too dwell in love and all I thought was, "who knows I'm gonna end up together with the guy I'm dating" OR " Guess, we can stay long together". I thought I can rely on my boyfriend, as I will expect him to plan everything. (For fuck's sake, we are not even married yet, what the hell was I thinking? ughh) I know I sound stupid when I said this, and I did slapped myself at times.

I was so carefree, until something came and hit me so hard - my very first heartbreak. I remembered the whole situation was so fucking pathetic and I was being treated like a dumb fuck. I can't talk to my mum about it, nor my dad .I felt so terrible as it was like someone who you trust and love the most stabbed you in your heart. 3 weeks later, my friends told me that Monsieur X got into another relationship. They said she is fucking rich, all branded stuffs from head to toe ( Imagine that...) They said they had no intentions for saying these things. At some point, I thought that they were actually indirectly comparing me to her. However, I told myself it's okay that I'm not a rich KL girl, I'm just a girl from a small city. I can't afford branded stuffs from head to toe. But, I will study hard and work hard and earn a title and position for myself in the future. I'm doing all this because I want to prove it to those fuckers who once look down on me just because I came from a small city. I never once blame him for what he did, but I blame myself. And so I thought it could be my problem (1) I'm not rich (2) I'm not pretty enough (3) No one likes a girl who come from a Kampung town (That's what my KL friends think about Seremban)

All my hard works were paid off. I'm very happy for the grades I scored for my mid term. Aiming for first-class honors is not easy, it requires double or triple the efforts and hard works. You know, how people always tell me that results I got doesn't really matters. But for me, it is important  after I graduate as I need it in order to apply for jobs. Whether or not they are hiring me, it will all based on my results. This is the FACT that you can't deny. Welcome to the real world bitches! You can ask 10 lecturers, and 9 of them will tell you the same thing. If results are not important, then what the company based on when they hire fresh grads? Experience? NO, that's bullshit. How can they have experience when fresh graduates first step into the society? Unless, some of them went for internships then that's a different story.

Speaking of the reality, I'm able to see who are my true friends, and who is not after what happened last year. How funny are those who claimed that they are your "heng mui", "heng dai" or "true brothers" , but they are just people who being nice to you when they are around and once they turn their back, they spread negative things about you.

And this is for the girls! Never ever rely on your boyfriend, no matter how rich or how filthy rich they are as no one can tell you how long both of you can stay together, or how far can both of you go through. Do plan your future and goals cause you might need it one day. Do read my friend's blog, Rae Roberta's blog then you will know the reason why. She is very inspiring as she posts interesting stories :)

Peace out.

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